The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize