he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
