I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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