u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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