I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
