I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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