A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
