connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
