Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
