After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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