Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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