it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
