You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
