I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize