and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
