Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
