Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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