We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
