Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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