Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
