R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
