just tell him i said nine months
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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