Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize