I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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