I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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