Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
