this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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