My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
