We won't sleep together?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
