He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
