Kiss
Puke
In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Randomize
