Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
