Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
