I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
