so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
