Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
