he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
