My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
