I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
