the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
