508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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