This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
