First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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