he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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