i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
