I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
