Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
