dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
