The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
