Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
