I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
