So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
