I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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