where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
