So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
as a side note pls kill me
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