He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
