pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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