I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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