you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
