well I can't set my house on fire every night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
