I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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