Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
