this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
