youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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