he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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