Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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