dude i'm inner monologue high
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
