I think my vagina is haunted
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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