I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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