cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How's work?
Spinning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
