don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
