Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize