You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
