she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
