So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
