Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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