thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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