The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
