Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
