fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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