Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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