Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
