9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
