I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
