goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the condom got lost in my hair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I intend to get homeless drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
