I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
